We Miss You, Chris

It is only a couple of days until the first anniversary of the death. A macabre anniversary, but one that is good opportunity to stop and reflect. It makes me wish that Chris could see how much his life, and death, impacted all of us.

I remember the day I found out. I was leaving my office to drop something off at my boss's house. I stood still stunned from the news I had received half an hour earlier. I remember telling her that I didn't want to lose anymore friends that way, and that I wanted to get involved in suicide prevention.

I remember the somber funeral. So many friends who saw each other so often, yet this time so many of us were hurt and badly shaken. I remember all of those who seemed so confident and strong, suddenly surprised at how deeply the grief hit.

I did as I promised. I was trained within a month or two to teach suicide prevention classes to middle school students across the region. I taught many of these three day classes. I remember the face of a little girl who came up to me after a class and told me how she had tried to commit suicide, and the relief of being able to speak of it. I have heard that many students were helped as a result of these classes. I'm not sure how many it helped, but I know it helped me.

I think most people can remember that last conversation they had with someone who has died. I remember mine. Chris was wondering what charisma was. I tried to explain it to him, and he wanted to know if he had it and how he could get it. I tried my best to answer and explain, but I never feel like I was very clear in my answer to him.

I think most people wish they could change that last conversation, or have just one more. If I could, I would tell Chris that he had lots of charisma, and maybe something even better than charisma. He may not have led in the typical way, but he brought us together. He touched our lives and made us all want to be better. He showed us how to be friendly to everyone and saw us all for the best parts of ourselves.

I sit here, wondering how to finish this. I have lost words in a flurry of memories and emotions. So, I will finish with this. Chris meant a lot to everyone who knew him. He made our lives better, and our lives were changed when we had him and perhaps even more when we lost him. I am glad to have known him and wish I had been closer to him. Most of all, we all miss him.

When a week goes bad...

We both knew we were in trouble when Sonic messed up the order. Sonic is a holy place, and Sonic never messes up an order. I mean, to be fair, I knew we were in trouble before that...when Cam was too busy playing Guitar Hero for us to leave in a timely manner. Or maybe even the night before, when we were out at the club and ran into a guy I used to date. But nonetheless, we both say we knew our trip to the Front Range might be trouble when the breakfast sandwich came out wrong.
Most of the time it was actually pretty nice. So what if a couple of friends didn't call to meet up with us? At least we had a wonderful dinner and a sweet bowling experience. And the hotel was spectacular...but that was Sunday...
Monday seemed okay. Sun was shining and the lines at Starbucks were 30 feet long. We tried to go to the museum and it was closed. No big deal. So the three-story Niketown doesn't sell women's golf stuff anymore. Once again, no big deal. It takes us longer than planned to find a great place to golf. Okay, we'll live. We get paired up with some stranger, that happens all the time.
Except now the real trouble begins. We are rushed golfing, because we have a concert to be at in less than two hours. The guy we are partnered with is slow. Not to mention he figures out who I am long before I know who he is. Oh, it helps when he has seen me and I have never seen him. It also helps that he had all the important clues. Nonetheless, my golf game is not going well because of the time issue before I find out we are golfing with my ex-boyfriend's roommate. The only ex-boyfriend I hate, and this is the guy who drove him the the airport when the ex was treating me badly and I wasn't answering phone calls anymore. Terrific. Now I am remembering that horrible winter and how much I hate that ex, and that sort of ugly emotion does not do good things for a golf game. And then there were the geese covering the last 4 holes. I was clinging to my golf club as a defensive weapon.
We finally escape that, and we make it past the chaos getting to the concert venue. That's when I found out my hero, Dave Grohl, is sick and that the concert was cancelled. All the chaos...and for nothing!
We get back to the 16th Street Mall. I run into my boss, who finds a way to rip into me for it a couple days later. I almost break my wrist on a Barnes and Noble door.
The next morning I think my Oakleys are missing. The Oakleys were this beautiful gift, so hours are spent looking and worrying about them. It was horrible.
When I get back to work Wednesday, my computer wouldn't work. All the security had locked me out, and I can't access a thing until next week when some discs show up. So, my super challenging job just got more super challenging.
I know, this wasn't my usual style of blog...but sometimes you just need to bitch.

Waterbeds Scare Me

I admit, I'm terrified of some pretty stupid stuff. I am starting to calm down around sliding doors, but I also think they are luring me into complacency before I get slammed in one again. I am terrified of garbage disposals, but you would be too if your mother had told you that your older brother had been eaten by the garbage disposal. I also still cringe near most birds as well, but I know our war had not ended.

Waterbeds may be one of the weirdest fears though. I think part of it is that I am a terrible swimmer. So, I fear drowning, even in waterbeds. I cling to the edge. I had one as a child, and I would spend every night curled up on the dark rounded cushion edge instead of spread out on the bed. When I stray from the edge, I feel lost at sea. I wonder when the waves will stop. Speaking of which, I also dislike the way I feel like Godzilla when I am in one. My slightest turn creates a tidal wave.

So there you go. I admit it. I'm mildly frightened of automatic sliding doors, rottweilers, garbage disposals, carnies, birds, movies with eye surgeries shown, zombies, movies made by anyone with the name of Zombie, and waterbeds. I don't care too much for elevators either.

The Canada Day Game!

Unless you have a close friend who is a Canadian, or unless you are a Canadian, you probably missed the big holiday yesterday. No worries. It is apparently just an excuse to watch a lot of hockey, I'm not real certain on any other special Canada Day traditions.

The way I hear it, Canada gained independence on July 1, 1867. This is perplexing to me, because I swore they still had the Queen of England as their figurehead, but what do I know? I'm apparently just an ignorant American. (Somewhat true story: So I was self-employed last year, meaning my taxes were a nightmare. I was on hold yesterday for 40 minutes with the IRS, listening to the William Tell Overture over and over again on the hold music--you would thinkthey could afford more hold songs--waiting so that I could clear up two problems that had recently come up with my 2007 taxes. I went ahead and ate lunch with my Canadian while the phone played hold music for us, and we began to discuss Canada Day. I made a few cracks about the Queen, Canada just trying to copy America and steal our thunder by picking July 1, and the fact that is so cold they couldn't even get out of their igloos long enough to declare independence until July. None of those were received very well. About 28 minutes into the hold music though, I begin to rant against the US Government and such, and that wasn't taken well either. Apparently you can't make fun of Canada and then rip your own country 10 minutes later...)

So, I don't know much about Canada Day. I admit it. I do know I have created the GREATEST GAME EVER! Okay, follow me here. Say you go to a convenience store to buy some Gatorade and a Diet Rockstar. This can be on July 1 or any other day, because we are all just ignorant Americans anyway. As you are paying for you items, look the cashier directly in the eye and say, "Oh! I see you are celebrating Canada Day." When they say, "What?", just go ahead and nod your head and say, "You know, Canada Day." Look like you expect them to know exactly what you are talking about. When they look perplexed, you need to look slightly embarrassed and say, "Oh. Sorry. I guess not." Now leave as quickly as possible. This cashier will spend the rest of the day wondering what he or she was wearing to make you think that, or what they might have said, or what the traditions of Canada Day are that would make you think that they were celebrating it. Also, by leaving quickly, you can hide your hysterical laughter.

Go ahead, try it anywhere. Grocery stores, restaurants, pretty much anywhere where you talk to someone you do not know very briefly. When that gets old, create other holidays. Made up holidays are almost as fun.

Happy Canada Day!