Low Card

The tricky part of being brilliant...mmm...let's stop right there. There's a couple tricky things about being brilliant. I know, because, of course, I am brilliant. And perfect.
Anyway, the first tricky thing is that it's hard to talk to many people. They don't enjoy talking to brilliant people because they feel dumb. Clearly, you aren't one of those people, look how smart you are. You are reading and comprehending...so we're like equals. I'm talking about all those other losers out there. So, brilliant people are often lonely. It's hard to make a Sex and the City or Friends show where the characters are Supreme Court Justices and a NASA scientist and David Foster Wallace and Stephen Hawking (but I would so watch that show).
The other tricky thing is it is hard to find ways to keep the brain active and at supreme level. I mean, how does Superman exercise? He can't just go to a normal gym, and people look down on lifting buildings and trains just to get a workout.
But the real thing is that if you are brilliant you constantly fight boredom. Which is why I create games.
My favorite game I have created is Low Card. It started when I lived in a party house. Lori and I were waiting for everyone to show up, and we were drinking and playing with a deck of cards. I shuffled the cards and declared, "low card makes me a new drink." Next was "low card does a shot." Then it was "low card kisses the first person who walks through the door." We would cut the cards and face our fate. It had the simplicity of cutting cards with the pleasure of the dare part of Truth or Dare. By the end of the night it was a crowd of us and "low card has to go outside and stop a car going down the street and ask if they have any grey poupon."
We played that game for months. It followed us everywhere, and I was able to keep busy by constantly coming up with really horrible or humorous dare. I sometimes fell victim to my own ideas, but it was worth it. How else do you get someone to stand on a corner where the homeless stand with a sign that says "Can't afford Prada"?

The #1 Reason I'm Glad I'm Not a Celebrity (and the #2 reason too)

I wait to be checked out at the grocery store and read the headlines on trashy celebrity magazines and realize the top reasons I am glad I am not one.
#1 Reason--I would know other celebrities. Doesn't sound too bad, right? But then my significant other would know other celebrities as well, since he would be with me for celebrity functions. And the celebrities would know him as well. Now it's one thing if a normal girl hits on my man. It's a whole different story when it's Lindsay Lohan or Mischa Barton or Paris Hilton. Suddenly it is threatening, because they have some name and mild legendary status. And the other thing is that every celebrity can get trumped by a greater celebrity. There is always going to be a celebrity who is a little fresher or bigger or hotter right now. If even Jennifer Aniston can get her man stolen by a bigger celebrity, I'd be screwed. Don't get me wrong, I trust my man. I just don't trust celebrities.
#2 Reason--I would hate bad pictures being taken of me and then any spot of celluloid magnified and displayed on magazines and gossip tv shows. I think I am fairly attractive, but I know I have flaws. I don't need to see them that big over and over again.
No wonder celebrities have substance abuse problems, I would want to self-medicate too if I was constantly worry about some fat spot on me being posted everywhere and then having my man stolen by some famous girl with fake boobs and giant lips.

This election is kind of funny when you think about it in the right way...

I have many hobbies. Following politics is one of them. As we approach what is beginning to feel like another election in which many must choose between the lesser of two (or three) evils (I know, some people are really excited about the candidates. I'm not.), I lose hope. But man, this video made me laugh so hard!

One-eyed, one-eared freak...please limit your laughing to my right side where I can't hear it

I caught this cold when I was training in Denver. No big deal, I have had a million colds before (give or take a few hundred thousand). Here's the thing, I then had to go over all those stupid passes while I was super congested (and starting to sound like Fran Drescher), and so it blocked my ears. My right ear refuses to pop. So here I am, it is 8 days later and I am still deaf in one ear.

I don't imagine I would care too much about being deaf in one ear, if I wasn't still mostly blind in one eye. I'm becoming a freak, and I'm not sure how long I can hide it. Beautiful people are never freaks. And freaks always look like freaks. Soon I will be recognized and rounded up to join my new home in the circus. They simply don't allow one-eared, one-eyed people wandering around in public talking to all the normal people.

May I also note that I am currently deaf in the right ear, and I have been blind in the left eye for ages? At least each side has a strong point to focus on.

Even if I don't get rounded up, so that normal people are no longer forced to look upon me, I see an ugly trend developing. I seem to lose 1/2 a sense every what...5 years? So, by the time I am thirty I will have to lose another half...I'm thinking losing the capacity of a nostril is too easy. Besides...with allergies...those stupid things only work when they feel like it anyway. Nope, I think I am going to lose half my taste. (Great time for an insult if you like. "Lose half your taste? Look at you, honey, you lost all your taste long ago.") I'm thinking I will probably lose my ability to taste sweet and salt. Still keep spicy and sour or something stupid like that. How would I do that? Same way as the other two...a worthless immune system.

Anyway, please don't tell everyone I am a one-eared, one-eyed freak. The longer I can keep that under wraps, the longer I can keep living my otherwise beautiful life. It's going to be hard enough to keep up the charade of normalcy, while people stand on my right side and try to hold a conversation with me. Oh, and taking advantage of my weaknesses by whispering on my right and hitting me on the left where I can't see you, well, that's just mean.