A Good Egg

Did I tell you about my buddy who got a drunken tattoo from a drunken tattoo artist to impress a girl?
I have a buddy here, who worked for me a for a while, and he is truly a cool person. Super funny. Anyway, he went to Vegas a while back and ended up partying with a couple of people who work at a tattoo parlor in one of the casinos (don't ask me which, I don't remember). Anyway, they were drinking and drinking, and he is really liking the girl they are hanging with. She teases him about being a "bad egg", because my buddy tries to play like he is rough and bad, but he's really the sweetest. So, after hours of drinking, they decide he should get a tattoo...OF A GOOD EGG!!!


So, this is exactly why you don't get a tattoo when you are drinking. Because you then later have to explain why you have a cop potato on your shin, and explain to your new girlfriend you were simply trying to impress the girl that you found out later was like 17 and you couldn't even do anything with.
HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!
(And seriously, it probably wouldn't be cool to tell his new girlfriend that he got this to impress some girl that turned out to be too young for him. That might be awkward.)

To the Boredom!

I am stuck here at the office until a Fed Ex shows up. It is kiiillllling me. I hate this. My rule is that I try to work as few hours as possible...and I was planning on not coming back after lunch today. Then, our corporate, in a surprising act of generosity, decided we could leave the office at 2 today...which means I wanted to be leaving at 11. But this stupid Fed Ex!!!
It isn't even like I have plans. I have nothing to do. Cam is working, and I don't really have any friends, so that keeps me pretty bored. Nothing on tv, no place to go, and the weather is cloudy and bound to rain, so that knocks out a lot of amusement right there. I spent all my money yesterday, so crap. Nothing...to...do...brain...melting...with...boredom.
I want to blog about Mike the H.C., but the pictures are on Cam's computer at home. And I want to blog about a funny tattoo, but the e-mail on my phone won't work in my office. God help me, I am dying here.
Maybe I will go exchange some Wii games in, and waste a day like that. Or maybe I will bake some cookies for the friends I don't really have. Probably could try to come up with an interesting dinner, but gosh, I hate cooking. AACCKKK! It is not in my nature to be bored, I am a bustling and interesting person. This is agonizing. I know it won't be bad when I get out of the office. Despite my lack of plans, I will find a million things to do. But this...this waiting...ugh. It's awful.
I should probably contact a florist or baker or something.
WHAT THE HELL? WHERE IS THE FED EX? I swear, I will beat that man down with my umbrella.
Footsteps! Damn. Down the hallway. I'm going to go hunt the Fed Ex man down.
No. I'm going across the street to buy lotto tickets.

Sorry, been meaning to blog, but life gets busy and when it's pretty and you are spending all your free time trying not to be at work.

So, real quick, so that there is something here and I can alleviate the pressure of having to blog, although I have lots of things to blog about (but I need to have the appropriate pictures and whatever...).

I went to the movies a couple times in the last week, and I keep seeing the preview for the new Terminator. I watch Sean Conner shoot some robot in the head (with the stupid voice over going about the robots and blah blah blah), and I simply think that I really hope that I don't have to war with the robots. I'll deal with ninjas, I will combat the aliens, and I have a plan for the zombies. But if the apocalypse is somehow tied to robots, I'm in trouble. The way I see it is I can't even win the battle with the smoke detector. I pull that bad boy's batteries out and he's still winning. If I can't beat that simple device, then I am screwed in human-like robots start invading.

What to write....

(Not here, but to the kids...let me explain...)

So, I work with 16-24 year-olds, getting them into Job Corps, which is like a college/prison/high school. They all live in dorms (college), but a lot of them are young(young=drama=high school), and they don't get to leave (prison) while they work on their education and learn to do a trade. It's my job to convince people to do this (or in certain cases, convince them not to), do lots of paperwork, and then try to convince them to stay up there. I get paid bonuses (yes, the bonuses...like mentioned in the april fool's blog) based on getting kids to go and getting kids to stay. Most of the money is in making them stay.
I also have been designated as the staff who goes up to one of the centers to do these focus groups. I sit down for an hour with about 10 kids who went up to the center in the last two months and get their opinions on things. I got assigned this priviledged position because of my hard work, sparkling personality, and incredible good looks. (This is a lie. It is because I live within an hour of the closest center. The next closest person is 4 hours away.)
I love the focus groups. I think it's a blast. I chat with these kids that are hardly younger than me and give them loads of candy and we talk about everything. Some of the kids know me because I got them in, and some don't, but all of them are very comfortable with me. They tell me they love going on trips and working out and getting paid to go to school, but they hate the dress code and the drama and all the ways to get write-ups. And then they tell me that they like letters and they want more of them.
My boss demands we contact the students twice a month when they are on center for three months. This is their way of trying to make the students stay. So, I will write a postcard saying "You are doing great! Keep up the good work!" about 30 times twice a month, and maybe I will throw in a piece of candy. Last night the kids told me that want "real, handwritten letters." Crap. What do I write to 30 kids that I have only met for an hour or two? What do I talk about? Just ask them how life is? Tell them about my life? Holy Hannah! This is going to take forever!
I love the kids, so of course I will oblige. I seriously have no idea though. Do I write about ketchup cakes and tell stupid jokes and fill up the page and time that way? Or do I really write something? Double crap!........Well, hm. Better get to writing and staring at the wall.

Immigration

So, about that last post...well, it was really just a game to keep me distracted. Lots of ugly things going around these days. Like the 3 people I know who have breast cancer. Or all the people I know who were laid off. Or my buddy who lost his legs back in January, but they didn't do it right the first time, so he just lost another inch off of his legs. I am surrounded by people who are sick, people who are unemployed, people who are about to be unemployed, people who can't pay their bills and are wondering where they will go, and kids who are going through really awful things and are trying to get a new start. Between Job Corps and Halliburton I am surrounded in sadness and suffering, and that doesn't even begin to start with family or friends.
So, I needed a humorous distraction. (And sorry, Brklln, but let's face it. I'm married. I totally have sex.)
Anyway, the bad things happening are trying to creep into my house. Cam's name has been coming up in the new lists of lay-offs. They have already gotten rid of the lazy and obnoxious, and they are running out of people. They are now going to staff number, and since he got a new staff number when he came to the States, well, he is in some risk.
I'm not the kind of person who sits and hopes that works out. I do something. He only has a work visa that will allow him to work at Halliburton, and that needs to be adjusted. Otherwise, I'm stuck moving to Canada. I hate the cold.
I spent some time on the phone with the United States Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS), and wow. That's intense. I thought I chose English for the language, not Lawyer.
I then finally get to talk to someone. Someone who is legally obliged to ramble for 2 minutes completely in legal disclaimers before she can tell me I need the I485. And that it cost something like $353. She also stated that I MAY need T3258A-2 copies, I864, I693, I130, I765, I131, a copy of a passport, a social security card, and a medical exam. I don't know what MAY means. I may be the kind of person who names my dog Maebe, but I need some certainty in life. I don't want to ever hear that I MAY live. (Or that I am going to live. Sorta.*) Oh, and some of those forms cost money, but I couldn't figure out which, because I was pretty sure I got all dyslexic and wrote some of the numbers out of order. So I may not need those forms, I may need completely different ones. I'm in trouble.
So, now I am trying to contact immigration lawyers, because it may be worth the money for a translator.
I guess the point is, Canadians are about the most quality men you can marry. But God help you through the paperwork. Might as well marry a Vulcan.**



*Totally stole that joke from Demetri Martin. Good stuff.
**Sorry, the Star Trek reference is whole different story...

Let's Go A-Maying (Let's go do it in the woods!)

It's May Day, which still only means one thing...it is the pagan time to celebrate Spring. And of course, I am no pagan, but I can appreciate lots of things...like sex. Yeah. So, in honor of Spring, pagans and May Day, let me present the 1891 Robert Herrick poem about May Day, with special translation...

GET up, get up for shame (know what else gets up in the morning? erections), the blooming morn
Upon her wings presents the god unshorn (as in not sheared...and where could the god be all hairy and not trimmed...maybe the pubic area...yeah, old poetry is gross).
See how Aurora throws her fair
Fresh-quilted colours through the air : (she is totally stripping)
Get up, sweet slug-a-bed, and see
The dew bespangling herb and tree. (the dude is trying to get his girl out of the bed and outside for some kinky may day lovin')
Each flower has wept (think discharge) and bow'd toward the east (bow'd like going down...)
Above an hour since : yet you not dress'd ; (naked)
Nay ! not so much as out of bed? (but in bed, out of bed...who cares, let's get it on....)
When all the birds have matins said
And sung their thankful hymns, 'tis sin,
Nay, profanation to keep in, (you also have to come out...)
Whereas a thousand virgins on this day (virgins...giggity-giggity)
Spring, sooner than the lark, to fetch in May.

Rise (Rise, erection, rise!) and put on your foliage, and be seen
To come (cum) forth, like the spring-time, fresh and green,
And sweet as Flora. Take no care
For jewels for your gown or hair :
Fear not ; the leaves will strew
Gems in abundance upon you : (don't dress up, cause we are just going to get naked and roll around in the grass and moss)
Besides, the childhood of the day has kept,
Against you come (cum), some orient pearls unwept (we all know what a pearl necklace is...this dude's dirty) ;
Come (cum) and receive them (receive the "pearls") while the light
Hangs on the dew-locks of the night :
And Titan on the eastern hill
Retires himself, or else stands still
Till you come (cum)forth. Wash, dress, be brief in praying :
Few beads are best when once we go a-Maying. (have sex in the woods)

Come, my Corinna, come ; and, coming, mark (cum...cum...cuming)
How each field turns a street, each street a park
Made green and trimm'd with trees : see how
Devotion gives each house a bough
Or branch : each porch, each door ere this
An ark, a tabernacle is,
Made up of white-thorn neatly interwove ;
(getting distracted...so much coming earlier...you will have to trust me that it translates to gigggity-giggity)
As if here were those cooler shades of love.
Can such delights be in the street
And open fields and we not see't ?
(doing it somewhere exiting is hot, but the street isn't sexy and likely to get you arrested...the meadows are safer and still scandalously sexy)
Come (cum) , we'll abroad ; and let's obey
The proclamation made for May : (do it)
And sin no more, as we have done, by staying ;
But, my Corinna, come, let's go a-Maying. (we are insulting May and Spring by staying inside, we need to celebrate and welcome Spring...by doing it)

There's not a budding boy or girl this day
But is got up (did I mention erections?) , and gone to bring in May.
A deal of youth, ere this, is come (yeah, young people cum)
Back, and with white-thorn laden home.
Some have despatch'd their cakes and cream (the lesser known hip hop song from the 1890's...you know the one...
cake and cream,
I need it cause you know that I'm a fiend,
Gettin' freaky in my carriage limousine
It's even better when it's with ice cream
Know what I mean...)
Before that we have left to dream :
And some have wept, and woo'd, and plighted troth,
And chose their priest, ere we can cast off sloth : (yeah, some miserable people aren't going to get freaky in the woods today)
Many a green-gown has been given ;
Many a kiss, both odd and even : (yup, lot's of making out)
Many a glance too has been sent (and checking each other out)
From out the eye, love's firmament ;
Many a jest told of the keys betraying
This night, and locks pick'd (locks pick'd...remember in Ghostbusters the sexual innuendos of key-master and gate-keeper, yeah it's that same idea), yet we're not a-Maying. ( (Let's get it onnnn.....!)

Come, let us go while we are in our prime ; (you are not getting any younger)
And take the harmless folly of the time. (sex is so not the worst thing you can do...)
We shall grow old apace, and die
Before we know our liberty.
Our life is short, and our days run
As fast away as does the sun ; (you are not going to live forever, better have sex in the woods while you are young and still can. you are going to die, and who wants to die a virgin...let's do it!)
And, as a vapour or a drop of rain
Once lost, can ne'er be found again,
So when or you or I are made
A fable, song, or fleeting shade,
All love, all liking, all delight
Lies drowned with us in endless night. (giggity-giggity)
Then while time serves, and we are but decaying,
Come (cum) , my Corinna, come (did I get around to mentioning every reference to come is a reference to the sexual act of orgasm? it is.) , let's go a-Maying (DO IT IN THE WOODS!).


Now, don't you feel educated and a little aroused. Sorry, my hubby is still at work, and momma needs her sugar.

Me? Drunk?

On what is becoming a rare walk home, I discovered a few things....

I don't smell lilacs enough. Good thing I stole some so I could smell them the whole walk...

One car stopped to offer me a ride...three boys...must have thought I was hot...still got it...

Two cars honked. Hot? Pathetic? ...?

One lady asked if I was okay when I was running... Clearly, not a graceful or good runner....

I get hiccups a lot...

More stuff...whatever...I forgot...

Let's Put the O in Oh Canada...

Have you been called a "hooser" by Alan Thicke today?
Have you thought of a funny name for a sexual position?
Have you heard any mockery directed towards Canada and wild moose?

I could give you more questions, but you would be wasting time you could be saying
Oh, Oh, Oh Canada!!!

Seriously, take 5 minutes...it's kind of funny.

www.CanadianSexActs.org

I'll be waiting for your response.

Not Wallace!

I just realized one of my favorite authors died. Like 7 months ago. Wow. My bad.

Apparently, it happened just days after I got engaged. This may explain why I didn't hear about it when it happened. But 7 months? Really?

I found out by checking out...wait for it...Amazon. Today must be obsessed with Amazon day.

They were suggesting a book by Wallace I had never seen before, and I glanced at it. In the description, it cavalierly mentions how blah blah blah since his death blah blah....and I respond, "Say wha?!?" I'm eloquent like that.

So that's that. I don't know. His writing was brilliant, and he used images that were truly incredible. In a huge novel he wrote, he contained these various elements that I still think of often...the French Quebec Wheelchair Assassins (striking fear in the hearts of anyone who heard the squeak), the future of football publicity (players dressing up like the mascots and the Cardinals being shoved out of planes) and of course, the film that was so mesmerizing that people could not stop watching and would die that way....

Brilliant.

But also so dark, and so depressing. I couldn't read his short stories, because they get so artsy and abstract.

So, huh.

Next time I order some books off of Amazon...

I get a lot of mail from Amazon.com. That is because they know I love the large variety of books and music and low, tax-free and shipping-free prices. I'm an addict. And they know what I like. Take for example the book they recommended to me today:


Jane Austen and Zombies? How did they know?

Not to insult you...

Know what the best blog is? Cakewrecks.com. F'in funny if you ask me. Ugly cakes and witty criticism? I'm hooked. Someone suggested that I look at it since I am planning a wedding and all. (I have five months, and I have yet to contact a single florist, baker, or come up with a DJ. Oh well. At least invites are almost done.)
Anyway, this blog is about the funniest thing I have ever seen. No offense, I love reading what you guys have to.
Anyway, about time to give that speech.

Speech #10

I feel like I have been in Toastmasters forever. It's been about two years, but the first year we weren't a chartered club, since we were trying to start one up. It was hard to get much done that year, because we were constantly just trying to find a location, or get people to join, or get people to stay, and to figure out what we needed to do since we didn't have any of the books or the paperwork.
This last year it has been easy. We found a solid location, and people just keep flocking to us. It's awesome. (And it looks good for me, because I was club president. I didn't do anything that caused this growth, I just happened to have a fortunate time to be president. I'm like that, I have a Midas touch for these things.) And now, we are one speech away from becoming A DISTINGUISHED CLUB. It's a big deal. And that speech...well, it's mine. I am one speech away from becoming a "Competent Communicator." And we are one CC away from being a DISTINGUISHED CLUB. (Once again, it's a big deal.)
I've been procrastinating this speech forever. It's usually hard to come up with topics, and this one is super hard. I have to give an 8-10 minute inspirational speech. The problem is, I don't believe in inspirational speeches. I am cynical, and think the idea of being inspired by a speech is absurd. I think you are retarded if you follow your emotions and get caught up in a speech. I also an a contrarian by nature, so I naturally tend to not get emotionally involved in inspirational and motivational speeches; then I would be doing exactly what they want.
So, how do I write an inspirational speech when I don't even believe in them?
Option 1. Become a liar. Pretend to be sincere, use hundreds of cliches. Talk about how we can all become better...whether working on our Toastmaster speeches or doing our best at work. Lie. Basically, be a politician.
Option 2. Kind of lie. Say that I never believed in inspirational speeches, but I also never believed in true love. Yet, I have found that both actually exist. I am so touched, I feel the inspirational change...I do believe in fairies, I do, I do!
Option 3. I can give a speech for a different occasion....the book says that if I want, I can pretend I am giving a graduation commencement speech or something, I just need to have that stated in the introduction. So, option 3., make a giant joke of it. Cam and I decided that if I could come up with a fictional environment to give a speech, then why not do it right? I will give a speech that takes place in an alternate universe, where the year is 2214, everyone has flying cars, and yet women don't have the vote. Inspire them to vote. And maybe free the slaves. (That may be the best way to make sure I am not re-elected as president next year.)
Option 4. Turn it into work practice. Give a speech where I inspire kids to do something with their life, whether it be Job Corps or just graduating high school. At least I would be taking it seriously and I wouldn't be a total liar.
Option 5. You tell me. Or tell me what you think about the previous 4. (I [probably won't do Option 3, but it sure makes me laugh.)

A little slow...

The computer and I have been fighting all day. See, I'm having a bad password day. Since I do work through the Dep't of Labor, I have loads and loads of passwords. I have passwords protecting passwords. Once in a great while, I have one of those days where I cannot get my passwords right for the life of me. I normally can work my way through all of my protected websites like a butterfly in a field of flowers, quickly darting from place to place. That is not the case today. I have them written down, and I will be reading them as I enter them, and I STILL can't get it right. Every three times I get it wrong, it locks me out for 15 minutes. The three times are usually as follows:
1. I got this...
2. Must have typed it wrong...
3. Look it up...hmmm...maybe I just typed it wrong...or I'm caplocked or something...
And three strikes I'm out.
Thus, I've spent a lot of time catching up on making copies and trying to find things to keep my busy before I repeat the cycle again. I don't know what is wrong with my today. I also had to get all my information changed with Staples because I kept entering the work stuff all weird too. Mmm...been 15 minutes again...You'll know I failed if there is another blog here in a minute...

Proof I am bad with girls...

I am the only person I know to has been nicely asked to step down from my position of bridesmaid. She has her reasons (that she now regrets) and I have my jokes, but still, I am alone in this. I know that somewhere, someone has been kicked out. I just happen to be the only person I know who has.
Now, I am also the only person I know who has had bridesmaids drop out of my wedding. I am up to 2/5 dropping out. I am down to 60% of my bridesmaids. It's weird.
I haven't been a bridezilla, I swear. I know every girl claims that, but I swear it's true. I picked the colors of the wedding, but had the bridesmaids (the very ones who dropped out) pick out the dress company. We picked one that was flattering for everyone. I let them pick out their own dress styles. That way they could go with what was closer to their price range and also what looked flattering on them. When they asked if I minded if they picked this one or that one, I always answered, "Whatever will make you feel pretty." I also was allowing them to pick their own shoes, silver please. Do you know how many silver shoes their are? Thousands. They could pick high or low, cheap or expensive, fancy or simple. It was all their choice. Did I mention I let them pick which of the two wedding colors they would wear?
I have asked them to do nothing. I don't expect a bridal shower or a bachelorette party, I didn't expect one before I eloped. Most of my bridesmaids are in different states or countries. I was never going to ask them to stuff envelopes, to help me with flowers, or anything like that. I asked them to wear a pretty dress and stand in pictures with me. I asked for them not to get me a wedding present, but I was planning my present to them.
Only one bridesmaid has a good reason to drop out. She's pregnant. She will give birth a month or two before the wedding. She has no idea what size she will be, if she will be able to get a passport for her baby, and worries about lactating through her dress. She's still in it.
Second best reason to drop out: money. Neither has cited this as a reason.
In fact, neither has called Cam and I to tell us they dropped out. Cam's best man let us know that his family and friends in Canada have been talking and told each other they were dropping out. They haven't told us, and they haven't told us why. These two cousins of Cam's, plus a couple of the groomsmen, have decided to drop out.
I'm trying not to take this whole thing too personally. It sucks.

Future Blog

I check someone's blog today, and they have a blog dated 10 days in the future. I'm so enthralled, of course I had to comment on it. I wonder if my friend has found a portal to the future....and if she'll get me lotto numbers. Now it is missing. Did I change the future by commenting on it? Was no one supposed to know she found a portal to the future?
Also, my dashboard is saying this friend is blogging things that I don't see on her blog. Is it alternate universe day?

Why I am calling in sick next April Fool's Day...

Okay, let's start out this story with a little background info in my job.
1. Sometimes my boss seems to think she is Michael Scott in the Office. She is hyper and a bit excitable and her first day as project director she said to us it was "easy cheesy, lemon squeezy."
2. I am wicked competitive. This is partially part of my personality and mostly because if we do awesome we make bonus.
3. I love the flexibility of my job, but I REALLY love bonus. When I meet and exceed my goals, I can make an extra $200 to $850 a month.
4. In the month of March, I exceeded bonus so that I made an extra $850. This will be paid in early May.

So, yesterday morning I get a very ugly e-mail. It includes 9 forwarded e-mails between my boss and some people at corporate. It lets us know that we have no money for bonuses, that because of a line item error and really high job performance we will no longer receive bonus for the rest of the year. We will not be paid for our previously due bonuses. But hey, don't quit, because we still have good benefits like health insurance. Oh, and hey, we can find other ways to celebrate job performance like :
- Gift cards to Starbucks, Wal-Mart, Best Buy
- Tickets to sports events
- Days off, when approved by Laura Beving
Oh. Okay. A $5 gift card to Starbucks is really going to make it okay that I will not be bringing in the $850 Cam and I were expecting. Sure.
She then let us know we would have a conference call tomorrow to talk about other possibilities and solutions to this crisis.
First came the shock. Then anger. Then panic. I texted Cam. I called my mom. I buried myself in some work, but swore to secretly take the rest of the week off. I was still pretty down when I got the "HA HA APRIL FOOL'S" email at lunch time. I was ready to damn near quit.

So, either 1. I am taking April Fool's off or 2. I am going to spend the next 364 days planning her demise and getting the rest of the staff to help me. I'm open to ideas. And it has to look GOOD.

Three Things

1. So I am at this career fair the other day. I wasn't looking, I was selling. I was trying to get kids to sign up for Job Corps. Anyway, as I set up my booth, I look across the way and there is Halliburton. Now, normally this is fine, Halliburton is always at career fairs in Colorado. However, since they laid off some 150 people last month and another untold amount this week, it seems like a weird place to see them. I think about it, and then I do exactly what I am thinking. I walk over to the booth and say to the men working the booth, "Hi, how's it going?"
They give the proper hellos and how are yous and that sort of thing and then I say, "Okay, we are all looking at you, and we are all thinking the same things. I'm going to go ahead and say what we are all thinking. What are you guys doing here? Seriously. 150-something-layoffs, and we are all wondering what you guys are doing here."
They tell me things about Halliburton across the country and specialized niches like engineering and telling people to go to college to be an engineer and then working for Halliburton and besides, it can pick up any day now. They then confess they are terrified of answering their phone when it is Halliburton because they suspect they may be next as well. I just feel proud of myself for getting that question out and in the open. It's weird, and I'm okay saying it.


2. So, appppaaaaarently, (you have to draw that out in a sarcastic manner) since we already eloped, no one seems to feel like we should have a ceremony. I don't think people get it...we eloped. It was quick, and no one was there. My dad didn't walk me down the aisle, my mom didn't cry, I didn't wear an expensive dress, and I didn't get to throw a bouquet. Yes, we are married, but we didn't have a ceremony. It's just more official living together. We both still want a ceremony. We want to share this event with our family and friends.
Anyway, now the wedding party feels like they shouldn't dress up or have to be part of it or whatever. We are pretty much be shoved around in our wedding plans (like a cousin/bridemaid is thinking she doesn't feel she should wear an orange bridesmaid dress because, hey, we're already married. She could have turned it down and I would have given the place to one of my old friends, instead of Cam's family who Cam HAD to have in the wedding.) Now, since we are all ready married, I am supposed to be downgrading to...whatever summer dresses my bridesmaid choose? I was already letting them choose their styles and pick which color and choose their own shoes...I've been crazy laidback and accommodating and have asked for nothing. I already knew no one was going to hold a bridal shower for me or any of the traditional junk, and I was okay. But because we pretty much decided to live together, but do it the right way, now we don't deserve to have the ceremony and magical pictures and memories these people already have. Awesome. Fuck off.


3. Got in a car accident yesterday, as a result of some slippery roads. Anna Honda is in bad shape. The good news is my insurance company is being awesome and making this easy. I apparently even have rental car service. Awesome. The bad news is that this is going to make me like the excitable lady in the Progressive commercials.

Residual Eloping Stuff

Brklln asked me if I had any negative response to the elopement...and it got me thinking. Okay, you know those people in your life who should be close to you, but usually aren't? Say a brother, sister, high school best friend, or something like that? You know that you could be close, and you should be, but stuff happens... You get busy, you are working a lot, you have some stuff to do, you'll call next week, well maybe the week after that...but gosh it will be a long phone call, maybe later....
Okay, so most people were really happy for us and our decision. And lots of people totally got it, and those who were a bit hesitant in their reaction (they thought we were joking or something...) really warmed up when we took the time to explain why we did the whole thing. The only people who have been a little distant and awkward about it are the in that category of people who should be close. They think we are joking and they need some time to think about it and never really call us back.
I totally hadn't thought about it until Brklln asked her question, but now that I think about it, it makes sense. These are the people who felt they should have known instantly. But we didn't tell people ahead of time, except my parents. But they live in town, and they would have figured it out. Plus, we needed them to watch the dog while we went to do it. And we wanted some feedback on if this was a good or horrible idea. On top of that, feuds with my parents devestate me. Oh, and my mom's a bit psychic and she would have known and it would have really caused some commotion. Okay, so only my parents knew.
Anyway, so these people seem a little put-out by our decision, but I think it's really that it is a subconscious wake-up call that they aren't as close to Cam (or me, but actually most people who have known me aren't that surprised...) as they thought they were. They are suddenly facing that Cam can do things they don't expect, keep a big secret, and not tell them everything. So, they don't totally get it, but the uncomfortable feeling has nothing to do with Cam and I, it has to do with their relationships and a subconscious push to examine them.
Eh, just a theory.

When this guy got hit...

I have five minutes before I need to run to fedex and then an appointment, so I'll take a second to tell you guys about the CRAZY thing I saw the other day.
Cam and I were driving over to Hastings to go get a movie (I broke up with Blockbuster...called them for closure and everything...), and are about to pull into the parking lot when we see this homeless looking dude coming our way. We wait to make the left hand turn, because we aren't sure where he is going, and he pulls into the parking lot as well.
We slowly turn and are watching as he rides through the parking lot, when this young chick drives up. She is on the wrong side of the road (parking lot road...those rules don't count, right?) and then pulls a sudden left hand turn into the Good Times--without looking--and HITS THE DUDE! He kind of sees it coming, so he swerves a bit and doesn't get hurt, but she still bends up his rear tire. She says something, he says something--we can't hear what--and then she pulls into the Good Times and--get this--gets ready for her shift?!? He walks his bike away. Cam and I park. We run over to the dude and ask him if he is okay. He has the look of someone who has been beaten down by the system far too long, and he mumbles that it isn't his bike. We offer to help, say we saw the whole thing. We tell him to wait and Cam runs to the Good Times. He demands to see the girl. She dillies and dallies and eventually comes up. He tells her to go talk to the guy and pay him or something because it was DEFINITELY her fault. She slowly walks over there.
The co-workers there tell us she was blaming him. We tell them what we saw, and then follow her.
The bike dude has walked far away, we can see him, but he clearly wants no part of any help. We determined that he probably has had a life where he has been blamed for everything. Dumb Good Times girl goes back to work, with only a little damage down to her reputation.

Another What If I Was a Celebrity Daydream...

I had another one of those retarded thoughts of "If I was a celebrity..." and what if the paparazzi was coming after me? I know what I would do. If I went outside and started to get mauled with the flashing of lightbulbs, I would go back inside real quick. I would run to my digital camera. I would go back outside and start taking pictures of them taking pictures of me. Reason #1: It just seems funny to me. Like when I made an abstract painting of an abstract painting. Reason #2: As soon as they started putting my picture on those awful tabloids, I would create a website. It would be of my pictures of the paparazzi. If they said mean things about how fat I am, I would say mean things about them. It would be childish, but amusing to me. If they asked me rude questions, I would return the favor. Eventually some people would catch on to my website, and then people would understand why I am famous. It's not because I am wicked hot or super skinny, it is because I am so darn funny in a strange way. The few people who get my sense of humor would admire me all the more, and who cares about the others?
By the way, glad you guys liked my calendar. And I'm not sure I want Melissa pulling out my hair...you claim it's for DNA art, but I'm thinking you just want to clone me...I mean, I am pretty cool.

Brklln may be amused...

I get stuck on the phone a lot, or sometimes I will just be waiting for an appointment to show up, and I don't want to get too involved in anything or have social security numbers sprawled across my desk when they show up. So I sit...and doodle. By the end of the month, my desktop calendar is quite a piece of art. This is March, and it's only halfway through the month. Anyone who remembers my high school doodling might be mildly amused by this daytime diversion.

The Elopement Story

Okay, I just got called out for not blogging. Yup, you are right...but come on, you know how it is...I was busy with work, and with secretly eloping, and well, you can't blog if you are scared you might blow the news on your secret elopement. Hey, let's talk about the elopement...
The trouble actually began back in November or so when my television broke. I was playing video games on the Game Cube when suddenly the TV flickered and then there was no more. I haven't admitted this, but I am pretty sure I broke it by overwatering my plant. (I had a plant that I would forget to water sitting above the TV on the stand, and so it's dry soil was unprepared for the amount of water I tried to give it to save it...thus overflowing water and I suspect splashing water into the electrical socket....)
With no TV, suddenly I had much less to do at my place. Then, I decided to get a treadmill for Maebe and myself. We decided to put it at Cam's house because he has a working TV...and now I am spending even less time at place.
Suddenly I am becoming frustrated about paying all these bills for a place I only sleep in, and having to clean two places....which brings us to the stove...
The stove was leaking for some time, and had been replaced multiple times. Around my birthday, it started to leak carbon monoxide fairly significantly. I had a heating guy over who blamed the stove...and a stove guy who blamed the heating unit. All the while, my carbon monoxide tester was going berserk. Something needed to be done.
Meanwhile, Governor Ritter was signing various house bills and COGCC rules...Halliburton responded by cutting hours and all overtime from their employees. Cam was beginning to realize that he was going to have a hard time paying the bills...

That is what brought us to a time to make a decision...we talked about moving in together...but we knew that my parents would be pissed, but more than that, we knew we wouldn't be thrilled with that decision. It would be against what we believe, and we would also have to hide it from those who share that belief. Not good.
Which brings us to January 18, the day after my birthday. My family (my parents, my cousin and her family, my aunt and uncle, plus Cam and I) are all assembled to celebrate Aunt Ger's and my birthdays. Oh...sorry, need to rewind...
I heard rumors some time ago that my cousin and her husband secretly eloped a few months before her wedding. Her mother had told me, but also told me that her daughter didn't know that she knew...(did you get any of that? Don't worry, it's not that important...)
As various people segment into conversation, I isolate the cousin and husband, and ask them to tell me the truth. She shushes me, fearful of her mother overhearing and finding out, to which I laugh that her mother is the one who told me. The cousin and cousin's husband then tell Cam and I everything. They didn't want to live in sin, but she needed to get out of her place...and they thought it was one of the best things they had ever done. It removed all the stress of the wedding day. No concerns of whether her husband would show up, no jitters, no stress over details going wrong. They were even able to take it all in and enjoy themselves. They made it sound so good.
Cam and I were hooked. We went out to dinner to talk about it, and got so absorbed, Cam accidentally stole a cup from the restaurant. We determined that 10 days later we would run off to Vegas and do it.
Three days later we broke down and told my parents what we were considering. They were in favor of it and even bought me a cute dress for the event.
1/29/09: We drive to Vegas, and go straight to the marriage license place. It takes less than 10 minutes to get the license we need. We go to the hotel to change, and then head up the strip in a taxi looking for the ideal location. The driver recommends the Little White Chapel. We arrive, and within 20 minutes the chapel has assembled our reverend and our photographer/witness. The ceremony is short, simple, and very sweet. I cry. The funny Italian photographer takes many pictures for us. We get in a limo and head back down the strip.
We spend a short weekend in Vegas, just celebrating our secret marriage. On our way back, we stop in Mesquite for the night and see the Oasis is shut down. Suddenly our plans are a mess and we have decisions to make.
We think for 6 weeks about whether we should tell people or not, whether we should change the location, whether we should have a wedding, or just a reception, or maybe just an exotic honeymoon. Finally, we decide to have a wedding as planned, and have an exotic honeymoon, but also to go ahead and tell everyone. I am to look for a wedding dress today. That is the story of what and why, pretty fast and not particularly well told. But now you know. (And knowing is half the battle!)
By the way, the Little White Chapel is where Michael Jordan and Brittany Spears got married. But not to each other.