My Trademark

I have way too many "If" daydreams, especially, "If I was a celebrity..." daydreams. Anyway, in a recent mental wandering about cigars and pipes, I was thinking about those items that distinguish certain people and celebrities. Think with me of old time movie stars: Charlie Chaplin and his hat and cane, Groucho Marx and his cigar and mustache, Clark Gable's mustache... Now think of more recent celebrities: Paris Hilton and her dog, Tina Fey and her glasses, Larry the Cable Guy and his stupid shirt, Ron White and his drink, and a bunch more that I was able to think of at the time. I am talking about those props that these celebrities have that make them distinguishable when you dress up like them for Halloween.

I have come to terms that I will never be a celebrity, but I think I want to live more like one. That's why I am going to get a trademark. Yup, I am picking out a stupid prop to carry around and people will always associate with me.

So, the first step in picking a prop is to decide how outlandish it will be. If it is something unordinary, you only need to carry it occasionally. Since nicotine is so unacceptable, this category now includes cigars and pipes. Speaking of nicotine, a cigarette holder is a great trademark item. More reasonable choices involve normal items people have: glasses, facial hair, or large sunglasses (ala Jackie O). These can be great items, but you need to make it distinct in order to make it yours. The glasses need to be a different fashion that the usual, the facial hair needs to be a little more noticeable (like a great handlebar mustache!), and sunglasses are almost impossible to make into a distinct trademark anymore. For something more noticeable, yet still reasonable, one may consider hats or canes.

I think I am going to use an umbrella. First, I can incorporate it without a whole lot of notice...I simply have to wait for a stormy or rainy week. I bring an umbrella with me everywhere. Then, when the weather clears up, I still bring the umbrella. It's practical, and I can get lots of different styles so that it's fashionable too. I can just set it with my purse when I'm inside doing something. It will only become noticeable when I'm outside. Okay, also when I am entering or exiting a place. I can use it as a cane if I want, and it will make great poses for pictures. I can see it now: lean on it like a cane in front with a cute smile, now outstretched behind me like a parasol, now up in the air like I'm flying away. I love it...it's useful, fashionable, and yet distinctive enough that soon people would associate me with umbrellas.

Soon people will find me so intriguing that they will think of me like a celebrity, especially the way that I'm living it up. People will begin to flock to me because of my strange style and fierce charisma. Then I'll become one of those celebrities where no one is quite sure why I am famous, since I haven't done anything. Then I pose very cutely with the umbrella, and next thing you know, I am truly famous! Or, at least I'm an intriguing person who never gets soaked in a rain storm.