Why I am calling in sick next April Fool's Day...

Okay, let's start out this story with a little background info in my job.
1. Sometimes my boss seems to think she is Michael Scott in the Office. She is hyper and a bit excitable and her first day as project director she said to us it was "easy cheesy, lemon squeezy."
2. I am wicked competitive. This is partially part of my personality and mostly because if we do awesome we make bonus.
3. I love the flexibility of my job, but I REALLY love bonus. When I meet and exceed my goals, I can make an extra $200 to $850 a month.
4. In the month of March, I exceeded bonus so that I made an extra $850. This will be paid in early May.

So, yesterday morning I get a very ugly e-mail. It includes 9 forwarded e-mails between my boss and some people at corporate. It lets us know that we have no money for bonuses, that because of a line item error and really high job performance we will no longer receive bonus for the rest of the year. We will not be paid for our previously due bonuses. But hey, don't quit, because we still have good benefits like health insurance. Oh, and hey, we can find other ways to celebrate job performance like :
- Gift cards to Starbucks, Wal-Mart, Best Buy
- Tickets to sports events
- Days off, when approved by Laura Beving
Oh. Okay. A $5 gift card to Starbucks is really going to make it okay that I will not be bringing in the $850 Cam and I were expecting. Sure.
She then let us know we would have a conference call tomorrow to talk about other possibilities and solutions to this crisis.
First came the shock. Then anger. Then panic. I texted Cam. I called my mom. I buried myself in some work, but swore to secretly take the rest of the week off. I was still pretty down when I got the "HA HA APRIL FOOL'S" email at lunch time. I was ready to damn near quit.

So, either 1. I am taking April Fool's off or 2. I am going to spend the next 364 days planning her demise and getting the rest of the staff to help me. I'm open to ideas. And it has to look GOOD.