One-eyed, one-eared freak...please limit your laughing to my right side where I can't hear it

I caught this cold when I was training in Denver. No big deal, I have had a million colds before (give or take a few hundred thousand). Here's the thing, I then had to go over all those stupid passes while I was super congested (and starting to sound like Fran Drescher), and so it blocked my ears. My right ear refuses to pop. So here I am, it is 8 days later and I am still deaf in one ear.

I don't imagine I would care too much about being deaf in one ear, if I wasn't still mostly blind in one eye. I'm becoming a freak, and I'm not sure how long I can hide it. Beautiful people are never freaks. And freaks always look like freaks. Soon I will be recognized and rounded up to join my new home in the circus. They simply don't allow one-eared, one-eyed people wandering around in public talking to all the normal people.

May I also note that I am currently deaf in the right ear, and I have been blind in the left eye for ages? At least each side has a strong point to focus on.

Even if I don't get rounded up, so that normal people are no longer forced to look upon me, I see an ugly trend developing. I seem to lose 1/2 a sense every what...5 years? So, by the time I am thirty I will have to lose another half...I'm thinking losing the capacity of a nostril is too easy. Besides...with allergies...those stupid things only work when they feel like it anyway. Nope, I think I am going to lose half my taste. (Great time for an insult if you like. "Lose half your taste? Look at you, honey, you lost all your taste long ago.") I'm thinking I will probably lose my ability to taste sweet and salt. Still keep spicy and sour or something stupid like that. How would I do that? Same way as the other two...a worthless immune system.

Anyway, please don't tell everyone I am a one-eared, one-eyed freak. The longer I can keep that under wraps, the longer I can keep living my otherwise beautiful life. It's going to be hard enough to keep up the charade of normalcy, while people stand on my right side and try to hold a conversation with me. Oh, and taking advantage of my weaknesses by whispering on my right and hitting me on the left where I can't see you, well, that's just mean.